


A Year Isn't Long Enough

by mikeyNluke



Series: Good then bad then worse [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Cute, Death, Fluff, Hospitals, M/M, Sadness, Sickness, Slight Smut, mentions of self harm, relationship, terminal illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-11 15:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2073561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mikeyNluke/pseuds/mikeyNluke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything was now going good until one of the boys get diagnosed with cancer and only have a year to live.<br/>The others try to do everything they can to make sure his last year is the best of his life.</p><p>SEQUEL TO WORDS HURT     PART 2 IN  THE GOOD, THE BAD AND THE WORSE SERIES</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Heyy guys this is my better fanfic (I hope) I really hope you like it and comment me any feedback, bookmark or kudos Thanks :-)

*Mikey's POV*

It had been three weeks since everyone was talking to each other again. It also happened to be three weeks since I asked out Luke and we couldn't be happier we have been on four romantic dates and Ashton and Calum pull out their phones to take pictures like the paparazzi everytime me and Luke kiss or cuddle. When I check twitter there is a new picture of me and Luke uploaded every 5 minutes.

Of course there is hate with every photo but I have learned to ignore it and I haven't cut in nearly a week. I even threw my blades in the bin and only used a blade for shaving or cooking :-)

 

Exactly four weeks since I asked out Luke, we were all sitting in the living room watching a movie when I announced for it to be paused. I earned confused looks from the other boys but ran up to me and Lukes room to get something.

Once I came back I looked at Luke who was now sitting upright on the end of the couch. I sat down beside him and opened my mouth to talk when Calum and Ashton said "Wait Let us get our phones out, We can tell this is going to be good".

So once they got their phones out I asked If they were ready and they said yes, so I turned to Luke and gently held his hands. I said to him "Lukey, these last four weeks have honestly been the best of my life and I wanted to give you something to show that I cared"  
I earned an adorable look of confusion from Luke.

I got off the couch and went down on one knee and pulled a box out of my pocket, opened it showing off a gold ring and I said to him "I got you this, It is just a ring but I am calling it a relationship ring. It basically means that you wear this until you stop loving me"  
Luke was now crying by this point. He held out his hand signalling me to put the ring on it. Once it was on I stood up and we went into an instant make out session but keeping it soft and sweet instead of wet and sloppy.

Once we had finished kissing Luke said to me "This is the best gift I've ever gotten Mikey I love it" I said to him "I'm glad you like it, oh before I forget there is an inscription on the inside that reads "forever yours" "

He hugged me again and we looked over at Calum and Ashton who were now crying. Ashton said "That is the cutest, most adorable thing I have ever seen in my entire life" Wiping away his tears. Calum said "Ashton's right and this video is a definate keeper.

I sat down on the couch with Luke cuddling into my chest. I ran my fingers through his hair while we watched the rest of the movie.  
It was almost at the end before Luke sat up coughing and spluttering everywhere. I rubbed his back and told him it would be fine. Ashton rushed to the kitchen to get a bottle of water, he came back and handed it to Luke who quickly but carefully downed it.

"Are you alright Luke that was quite sudden" Said Calum. "I know I didn't even eat or drink anything, it's probably just a tickly throat" Said Luke. me, Ashton and Calum all agreed and watched the last ten minutes of the movie before heading up to bed.

Me and Luke stripped down to our boxers and climbed into bed. "I forgot to ask do you want any cough medicine or something" I said, I didn't even bother to hear his answer before gettting out of bed and going into the joining bathroom to get the medicine.

I put some on the spoon and told Luke to take it Which he did. I handed him my water and he said thank you.

We gave each other a good night kiss, or five, and went to sleep.

I got woken up in the middle of the night to hear the sound of coughing and choking again. I'm getting worried now.....


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Luke is still coughing. I suppose this could just be a filler with a lot of cute moments :-)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys I have had 5 Kudos, 200 hits and a bookmark on this story in 24 hours it means a lot...
> 
> Enjoy chapter 2

*Mikey's POV*

 

It's been four days since Luke started coughing at nothing. The second time it happened in the middle of the night I started to get worried even though it was just a tickly throat but they only last a couple of days right?  
Luke has had medicine everyday since and it doesn't seem to be going away. Maybe I'm just being too protective so I just shrugged it off.

I sat down on the couch next to Ashton and asked him where Calum and Luke were "Umm They went out to the shops Mikey" said Ashton.  
"I just want to say again about the other night it was sooo cute and adorable and the look on Luke's face... you are soo romantic I wish more girls were like that" Said Ashton.

I gave Ashton a big hug and said "Thanks for the compliment you'll find the right girl one day I promise" I gave him a kiss on the forehead and headed to the kitchen 

"Do you want anything while i'm up?" I asked "erm..... umm.. just a glass of water please" Said Ashton. I brought him his water and some snacks and we started talking for a while before Luke and Calum came home.

 

"Heyy Lukey I missed you. What did you get" I asked Luke

"Em. Not much just a new pair of jeans, a t-shirt, a book and a little something for you" Replied Luke.

"Oooh. what did you get me what di-" I began but was cut off by Luke coughing again, quite violently I might add "Cal get him some water quick" I shouted to Calum while I rubbed Luke's back

"You'll be OK Lukey just drink this water, Ash can you rub his back for me I'm gonna phone the doctor" I said "Yeah sure Mikey, C'mon Luke it's OK sshhh shhh its fine you're Ok" Said Ashton to a still coughing Luke.

 

***LATER THAT NIGHT***

We were all in the kitchen eating our dinner when I said "Luke you have an appointment at the doctor tomorrow afternoon at 3:30 is that OK"  
"Yeah Mikey thank you - oh I almost forgot about your present.. Wait here" said Luke

He rushed up from the kitchen table to go to our room. He Looked so excited about it...  
While he was away me and Ash took this time to ask Calum if he had been coughing while they were out

"Yeah a couple of times but don't worry, I made sure I had a bottle of water on me at all times and I rubbed and patted his back so he was in good hands"  
I got up and gave Calum a big hug which he gladly returned "Thank you so much Cal you're an amazing friend"

Luke came running down the stairs and made a sarcastic "hmph" when he came into the kitchen and saw Me and Cal hugging "Mikey... I can't believe you're cheating on me" Said Luke with a big smile on his face.

I walked over to him and said "You are too cute, did you know that.. I love you" I pulled him into a passionate kiss while Ash and Cal did their usual and took a load of pictures.

Once we finished kissing Luke started to pose like a supermodel since pictures were still being taken of us. We all laughed for a few minutes and Luke one of my hands and said

"Mikey, you are honestly the best thing that has happened in my life and like you said These last four weeks have been the best of my life. I got you something to show I cared"

He went back to the stairs and handed me a long sort of narrow box that was wrapped in paper.

I ripped the paper off and it was a brand new iPod touch "Oh my god Lukey I've wanted to get one of these for ages. Now I can have ALL my music and not just a couple of my favourite songs. oohhhh I Love you"

We kissed again for what felt Like hours. I really think that this relationship is going to last..

 

"I'm going to go through to the living room and pic a film to put on" announced Luke skipping through the door

Me and Calum cleared the table and washed the dishes while Ashton went through to check on Luke.

"GUYS" shouted Ashton "MIKEY, CALUM COME HERE QUICKLY"  
Me and Calum ran through to the living room and saw Ashton hugging Luke on the floor with tears in his eyes. I realised what was wrong

 

Luke was unconcious.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed that. Like I said this chapter is just a filler
> 
> Remember to comment feedback, kudos and bookmark if you enjoy this fic/series
> 
> Just want to mention that this series is a trilogy so there will be a part 3!! :-) :-)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke goes to the hospital but turns out to be OK  
> It's someone else that starts the bloody coughing.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so I've noticed that I have made some of you upset with making Luke ill. Remember it is just a story So i've changed it a bit

*Mikey's POV*

I was stood there in fear before I got my phone out my pocket and phoned for an ambulance. I went over to Ashton and said "You need to drive him the ambulance is 40 minutes"  
What is wrong with Luke. I'm so worried. I try my hardest not to cry but I failed.  
We were carrying Luke down the stairs to the carpark and into the car. I sat in the back with him while Calum and Ashton sat in the front.  
Ashton drove really really fast and we got to the hospital in 10 minutes.  
I took the seatbelt off of Luke and ran into the hospital with him in my arms.  
"HELP HELP HE COLLAPSED" I shouted. 4 doctors came running up with a stretcher and placed him on it and took him away to a room. I ran after them not wanting to leave Luke.  
Once they had him in a room they placed him on the bed and set up an IV and heart rate moniter. "We'll be back in 15 minutes to see if there has been any change. His vitals are normal and so is his heart rate" I said a mumbled thank you and stood next to the bed playing with Lukes hair  
Ashton and Calum came running into the room and asked what happened.  
"They are going to be back in about 10 minutes to check on him. His vitals and heart rate are normal. They also said something about a blood test" I said  
Calum nodded and Ashton was clutching his chest with a look of pain on his face.  
"Are you OK ash" asked me and Calum at the same time.  
"Yup, just a sharp, sudden pain in my chest" Said Ashton before he started coughing  
Here have a drink of this" I said handing him a cup of water. I made sure he was alright before turning my attention back to Luke.  
"C'mon Lukey wake up" I thought to myself

Just a minute before the doctors were due to come back Luke woke up and asked what happened. "You said you were going through to put a movie on, Ashton went to check on you and you were unconcious on the floor" Said Calum  
"So we brought you to the hospital where the nurses hooked you up to an IV and heart rate moniter. You're vitals and heart rate are normal and they should be back any minute now to check on you and do a blood test" I said  
I bent down to kiss him when the doctors came in.  
"How long has he been awake" Said one of the doctors writing something in his clipboard  
"About 2 minutes" I said.  
"Do you mind if we take a little blood to test, Luke?" Asked another doctor  
Luke shook his head and held out his arm. The nurse who was in the room came over and got a fresh needle and bottle thing for the blood. She put the needle through Lukes arm and drew the blood.

"We'll be back in an hour with the results so in the mean time Stay with him and if anything happens push the button on the side of the bed and a doctor will be here instantly" Said the doctor  
"Thank you" Said flashing a smile.

"Heyy we're going to the cafe to get a sandwich and a drink to bring back to the room. Do you guys want anything" Said Ashton with the same look of pain on his face.  
"Can i just have water" said Luke quietly  
"Yeah same here" I said  
They nodded and went out the room.

*Ashton's POV*

Me and Calum walked down the long corridors to get to the small cafe at the end. The pain in my chest was still there but I figured it was just heart burn or something so I just left it.

On the way down me and Calum were talking about various things. Songs, Michael and Luke's relationship, drums  
"Haven't you realised that Luke and Michael have a better relationship, than me and you would never get with a girl" Said Calum  
"Yeah they are so cute and romantic with each other, I was saying that to Mikey earlier when you and Luke were out. I said I wish that I could have a relationship like theirs because they were always just so cute and gentleman like with each other" I said  
"Yeah, is is wierd to say that I am actually kind of jealous of a gay relationship" Said Calum  
"No, not at all I just think that gay couples are more cute with each other than straight couples because the woman is usually so demanding. The most demanding I have seen Luke and Michael is when they haven't kissed in an hour" I said laughing a little  
"Haha you're right" said Calum.

The tightness in my chest came back and i started coughing again. Calum asked if I was alright and I just nodded.

We got the food and drink and headed back up to the room that Luke was in.

"Where were you guys what took you so long" Said Luke.  
"We were just talking"  
"About?"  
"We were talking about how jealous we are of Your relationship" I said 

Luke just blushed and looked at Michael to see his reaction but when he turned to look Michael was leaning down to kiss him which he obviously must have accepted as they were kissing for a few minutes"

Over the next half an hour we sat talking and having our little snack. We talked more about Luke and Mikey's relationship. the new songs we had written for our new album. what colour Mikey should dye his hair next (We all said blue) We were in the middle of talking about new movies when the doctors came back in.  
"Ok we have your test results It turns out everything is normal. You were just dehydrated" Everyone was relieved that he was Ok  
"Does that mean I can go home" Said Luke  
"of course" said the doctor

We were just getting Luke ready to take him home when I started coughing again. I was coughing for a few minutes when I took my hand away it was covered in blood....


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry in advance if this is rushed I only had an hour on the computer :-)
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has read this so far I hope you are enjoying it

*Ash's POV*

We were just getting ready to take Luke home when I started coughing again. I was coughing for a few minutes and when I took my hand away it was covered in blood.

I looked at it shocked for a few minutes when Luke, Mikey and Cal rushed up to me and asked if I was alright. "Yeah I was just coughing too hard its fine, really. Now come on Luke let's get you home" I said wiping the blood of my hand and mouth.

They all looked at me concerned and Mikey said "Ok let's go but Ash if you start coughing blood again I'm taking you straight to the hospital" I agreed and carried Luke's things down to the car.

The drive back was all quiet before Luke started talking "I don't get it I was drinking plenty of fluids how could I have been dehydrated" "Suppose it's just one of these wierd medical things" Said Calum. "Well I'm just glad you're alright" Said Michael wrapping his hands around Luke's waist and leaning in for a kiss, earning an awww from Calum.

I stayed silent the entire going home because I wondered what was wrong with me. I feel fine maybe I was just coughing too hard. I decided to wait to see if it happens again before I done anything about it.

We were passing a McDonalds and Luke said "Can we stop in here for something to eat. I've only had hospital food which is disgusting" I smiled and said "Sure, i'm quite hungry myself"  
I pulled into the carpark and found a space and stopped. We walked in. Luke and Mikey were holding hands and because of that they were getting very dirty looks from some people so once I noticed people staring I just shouted at the top of my voice  
"What the fuck are you all staring at there is absolutely nothing wrong with what they are doing!!" Most of the people looked away offended and some people muttered "fag"  
Luke must have heard that as he ran out crying with Mikey following.

 

*Luke's POV*  
Ashton had started shouting at everybody that was staring at me and Mikey holding hands. I heard people say fags. I hate that word so much its so mean and degrading. I ran out trying to hold back the tears behind my eyes but I failed.

I heard Mikey running behind me. When he finally caught up to me he pulled me into a big hug and whispered "ssh its Ok" in my ear. "I won't let anyone hurt you or bring you down" He said. I love Mikey so much.. I hugged him back feeling so safe in his arms. 

Once I had calmed down we went back into McDonalds hand in hand again. Once we were in Mikey said "Heyy freaks watch this" When he was satisfied there was enough people watching he kissed me. Right in front of everybody!!! Even though I hated him for that I didn't pull away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We got our food and took it to the car to take it back to the house. We got in the door and sat down on the couch eating our food and talking.

"That was so brave and cute what you did in there Mikey" Said Ashton  
"Why thank you" Said Mikey standing up to take a bow.

"How do you guys do it, have such a steady relationship" Said Calum with curiosity in his voice  
"Well it helps to love the person" I said looking at Mikey

I noticed after I said that, that Calum was looking at Ashton. "Love is in the air" I sang as Calum looked at me with that look people give when others say If looks could kill.

Mikey and Ashton had gone upstairs to shower and change so I took this as an oppertunity to talk to Calum. "Heyy Calu-" I started but got cut off by Calum saying "No I don't Luke" 

"How do you know what I was going to say" I asked. "Because I know you inside and out, I know fine well you were going to ask me if I like Ash, well sorry to dissapoint you but I don't" Said Calum harshly as he walked out. I made a mental note to watch how he is around Ashton. If he acts differently. the way he looks at him

 

*Ash's POV*

I was in the shower washing myself and doing what I normally do in the shower and stand with my head under the water thinking about life.

I was stood in the same spot for about half an hour when I started coughing again. There was no bloood at first but then I started coughing again and brought up a lot more blood than last time. I got really worried and cleaned up all the blood and hurried out the shower.

I hoped none of the boys heard me a) coughing and b) leaving the house. I drove as quick as I could to the hospital. I quickly parked in the carpark and ran into A&E.

I shouted that I needed a doctor and several ran up to me. I was taken to an examination room and started to get really scared so i said through sobs "Ithinkthereissomethingwrongwithme ikeepcoughingupbloodandimreallyscared" "It's OK I didnt quite catch what you said could you say it a but slower. I said it a bit slower this time so the doctors could hear me.

"Nurse prep this boy for an MRI" Said the doctor "Do you want me to do a blood test" Said the nurse "Yes right away" Said the doctor.  
The nurse took the blood from my arms and I didn't feel a thing. Before I got taken to the MRI I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I took it out and saw that it was Luke calling so I answered it.  
"Heyy Ash where did you go"  
"Erm I just went to the shop to get some snacks I'll be back in a bit It's really busy"  
"OK bye see you later love you"

I hung up I hate lying to people especially to the boys but I don't want them to know where I am. I put my phone in my pocket and changed into a hospital gown and the nurse took me down to the MRI room.

I put my phone and wallet next to the doctors since nothing else was aloud in the room.

"You'll be in there for an hour" Said the doctor. "It is incredibly important that you don't move so get comfy and tell us when you are ready.  
I made sure I was comfortable and gave a thumbs up to the doctors behind the glass.  
\-------------------  
An hour seemed to pass quicker than I thought because before I knew it I was being taken out of the machine. I jumped off the table thing and walked through the door to meet the doctors. 

"You can go and get ready and we will give you a call tomorrow when the results come in"  
I nodded and made my way to a bathroom to get changed. I checked my phone and there was no messages or calls. I decided to call Luke and tell him that I was just on my way home.

That meant that I acctually had to go to the shop and get crisps and sweets.

The next 24 hours were quite difficult as I had to keep it a secret that instead of spending 2 hours stuck in a shop and traffic that I was acctually at the hospital having tests done.  
We were sitting around the kitchen table eating dinner when I got the phone call that changed my life completely.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So how was that :-) In the next chapter you will see all the boys reactions 
> 
> Will Ashton tell them immediately or keep it a secret 
> 
> Remember to comment, kudos and bookmark


	5. AUTHORS NOTE!!

~*~*~*~*~*AUTHORS NOTE*~*~*~*~*~

 

Heyy I'm just doing a quick a/n because I wanted to know how the story is going. Do you feel like I'm missing something out that needs added in. 

I also need to know what you guys would prefer getting added into this. (Choose 2)

1) the chapter after diagnosis each chapter will be 1 month and includes bucket list activities

2) ashton and calum realise feelings for each other 

3) "muke" is developed further into the story I.e talks of marriage etc

4) almost the rest of the story is ash's point of view

 

I would hugely appreciate it if you commented down below so I know how it is going and how you guys want the story to continue (using the options above)

Thanks 

P.s the next chapter will be posted tonight :-)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys this is a sad chapter. I broke my own heart writing this

*Ash's POV*

Once I was done with my MRI and got changed I checked my phone and saw that I had no missed calls or texts. I decided to call Luke, I scrolled through my contacts until I reached Luke, I pressed call and waited for an answer.

"Heyy, you're taking your time at the store"  
"I know Like I said the shop was really busy and I am currently stuck in traffic"  
"How long do you think you'll be"  
"Erm.. the way this is going. about 20 minutes"  
"Okay, see you when you get home, Love you"  
"Bye"

I hung up the phone and went to my car. I started it up and drove to the store to pick up more bags of sweets and bottles of juice than we needed. I paid for the stuff and drove back to the house.

I walked in the door and put the bags down. When Luke saw me he ran up to me and gave me a big hug. "Can you help me put this stuff in bowls please" I said quietly hugging him back.

"Yeah sure. Do you think you could loosen your grip a little Ash, your hugging kind of hard"  
"Oh sorry" I said pulling away from him.

We went through to the kitchen and got a pile of bowls out of the cupboard and poured all the sweets in them.  
We carried them through to the living room and placed them on the table. I went back through and got 3 bottles of juice and four tall glasses.

We all got comfy and put on the TV i stayed in complete silence deep in thought, scared out of my mind about these results. 

After an hour or two Cal asked "Are you alright Ash, you seem quite distant and you haven't joined in conversation" "I'm fine Cal just thinking about something" I replied. Cal just nodded and rubbed my arm then continued to watch the programme that was on.

 

The next day I was getting really worried because I knew I was getting a phone call from the hospital. I woke up extra early (About 4:30 I think) and went downstairs. As I went in the living room I saw a familiar face on the couch. It was Luke.

"Heyy Lukey, what are you doing up" I asked quietly looking at the ground.  
"I couldn't sleep, what are you doing up"  
"I woke up 20 minutes ago and couldn't get back to sleep so I came down to sit on the balcony and get some air while looking out at the city"  
"Mind if I join you"  
"No, not at all"

We walked over to the balcony, I unlocked the door and we stepped outside.  
"Brrr. Its freezing" Said Luke hugging me for warmth.  
We walked over to the ledge and stood in silence for 15 minutes. 

I got the feeling like I needed to cough so I said to Luke that I had to go to the toilet.  
I ran up the stairs and into the bathroom. I started coughing as quietly as I could and like before there was blood, a lot of it. I was sat on the edge of the bath coughing for 10 minutes before it finally stopped. I cleaned up the pool of blood on the floor and the specks that landed on the wall and mirror in front of me.

I waited a minute to see if the need to cough came back and once I was satisfied it was gone I went back down to join Luke. "Are you OK Ash I though you flushed yourself down the toilet" Said Luke.  
"No, I just had a runny nose, probably from the sudden blast of fresh air"  
We sat on the balcony for about 3 hours before heading back inside. Once inside we were greeted by Calum who was making his way down the stairs.

 

*Luke's POV*

After spending a nice few hours in Ash's company we decided we were hungry so we headed back inside, Calum was up and greeted us from the stairs. He took a moment to look at Ashton and gave him "the look" without Ash knowing of course.

Calum then turned his attention to me, I just winked at him and walked through to the kitchen to pour myself some cereal. He came through after me and said  
"I know what your thinking and like I said yesterday or the day before I don't like Ash in that way"  
"Uh huh.. whatever you say but I saw you give him "the look" "  
"What look"  
"The one that says you want him to be yours and only yours. The one that says I wish you knew how I felt about you and most importantly the one that says I love you goddamit why can't you see that. If you like him you really think I'm going to say anything, I'm dating Mikey remember"

"How could I forget. You have to promise me you won't say anything to Ash please I'll tell him when the time is right"  
"Ok I won't say a thing" I said as I pulled him into a tight hug resting my chin gently on top of his head

 

*Ash's POV*

It was around midday when the real fear kicked in. I was told I would be called within 24 hours which is anytime now until 6:30. I just stayed positive thinking it would be nothing but then again coughing blood isn't normal.

I was deep in thought again when my phone rang. I jumped and got really scared. I quickly pulled it out my pocket. Thank god it was only Luke.

"Heyy was it brown or white bread we needed I can't remember"  
"White"  
"Ok cool see you later"

When I put my phone back in my pocket Calum, who was sitting on the couch opposite me, said "Are you Ok Ash? is everything Ok?"  
"What... oh yeah everythings fine I was just deep in thought so when my phone started ringing I got a fright"  
"Ok, heyy do you want to go for a walk since there is nothing to do and Luke and Mikey are out"  
"Yeah sure just let me get changed"

I ran up the stairs and into my room. I got changed into something casual but presentable. Made sure I didn't have to cough and went back down to see Calum. He looked really nervous about something.

As we walked down to the park we were talking about many things Like the usual main topic for discussion Luke and Mikeys relationship   
Once we said all we could on the subject Calum stopped walking and said "Ash i have something really important to tell you that I can't keep to myself any longer"  
My phone rang so I said "Sorry Cal can you hold that thought" He nodded looking quite sad

I took once very brief look at the number and answered the phone.

"Hello Mr. Irwin this is Dr. James from the hospital"  
I froze for a moment and said "Hi, how were my results.  
"I think it would be better if we discussed them in person how quickly can you get here"  
"Umm 15 minutes. see you there bye"

I looked at Cal and said I had to go somewhere urgently. The last glance I took of him til later he looked absolutly heartbroken. I ran back to the house to get my car and drive to the hospital as quick as I could. I parked in the carpark for the third time since yesterday.

I ran into the hospital and into reception and asked the nurse for Dr. James. she didn't look like she heard me but tannoid for him. I waited for 5 minutes before he was stood in front of me

"Please, follow me to my office"  
I followed him butterflies increasing with every step I took. We reached his office and entered. He held out a hand motioning for me to sit down. I sat in the seat and couldn't hold it in any longer.

"So what's wrong with me" I said loudly with fear and anger in my voice.  
"I'm very sorry to tell you this" I started to cry and he handed me a tissue and continued.

"I'm afraid that you have stage 3 lung cancer. We've estimated that you have a year to live"  
I took some time to get it through my head. I have aggressive lung cancer and a year to live.

A year isn't long enough....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In the next chapter (should be posted by saturday afternoon) You will see Ashtons reactions and feelings.  
> How will he act around the band before he tells them and how will he tell them?
> 
> Thanks for reading so far. Thanks for the feedback. and dont forget to comment, kudos and bookmark


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy thanks for reading, commenting ideas Im gonna say sorry for not uploading on saturday I was very busy and I also wanna say sorry if this is kinda rushed I wanted to get it posted ASAP

*Cal's POV*

 

Ash must have been really deep in concentration because when his phone rang he jumped 10 feet in the air, I must admit it gave me a fright as well. I'm guessing it was Luke or Mikey on the phone. When he hing up I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk to get some fresh air.  
Ashton went up to get changed and then we left. It was a really nice day and I am alone with him so i thought it would be a good chance to tell him how I felt.

We were walking through the park and Ash said "How long do you think "muke" will last"  
"I don't know hopefully they last a long time 'cause I don't see them splitting up anytime soon"  
"I find it amazing how they are sooooo in love with each other I wish I could have that with someone" He said

I was getting butterflies because I knew it was time to tell him how I felt. I opened my mouth and began to speak when Ash's phone started ringing. He said he would be a minute, flashing me a smile. He walked a few feet away and spoke in a hushed voice. After a few minutes he hung up the phone and walked over to me.

"Cal I'm really sorry we're gonna have to finish this conversation later I have to be somewhere right now and it's urgent"  
I could barely say "But Ash" before he ran away out of the park. I was so heartbroken I wanted to tell him now but I guess it will have to wait til later....

 

*Ash's POV*

I ran back to the house to get my car and drive to the hospital as quick as I could. I parked in the carpark for the third time since yesterday.  
I ran into the hospital and into reception and asked the nurse for Dr. James. she didn't look like she heard me but tannoid for him. I waited for 5 minutes before he was stood in front of me

"Please, follow me to my office"  
I followed him butterflies increasing with every step I took. We reached his office and entered. He held out a hand motioning for me to sit down. I sat in the seat and couldn't hold it in any longer.

"So what's wrong with me" I said loudly with fear and anger in my voice.  
"I'm very sorry to tell you this" I started to cry and he handed me a tissue and continued.

"I'm afraid that you have stage 3 lung cancer. We've estimated that you have a year to live"

"W-W-W-What d-did your just s-say"

"I know It's a lot to take in so I'll give you a minute"

 

I sat in the chair crying my eyes out so much. I couldn't have cancer surely it is a mistake. While I was worried about myself I kept thinking about Luke, Cal and Mikey and my family and the fans. I would leave it all behind. I knew one thing was for sure. I couldn't tell anybody just yet but the longest I was waiting before telling anyone was a week.

 

I felt like I was sitting in that chair for hours crying. The doctor finally spoke again.

"We're going to put you on chemotherapy and radiotherapy-"

"What's the point It's not like i'm gonna live anyway" I shouted through sobs

"I know your angry but we are trying to help you in everyway we can"

"You are trying to kill me faster giving me all this treatment"

"No, we are trying to help you live as long as you can. I'm sorry to say this and scare you but with the treatment you can live as long as 13 months but without treatment you will only live about 7"

I was trying to process this through my mind obviously I was in a state of shock.  
I was just told I have aggressive cancer and 13 months to live if i'm lucky.

Once I had calmed myself down and let it get through my head. Me and the doctor talked through what the treatment would consist of. I was told I would need to go for chemotherapy twice a week for an hour and a half at a time and radiotherapy once a week fro an hour. I was also told that I would have frequent blood tests and MRI's just to check if the cancer had spread anywhere else. I would get these once a week as well. 

"We will start treatments next week. We'll give you this week to tell family and friends"

I nodded and signed all the papers he had given me.

I shook the doctors hand and slowly walked out of the hospital to my car trying my hardest not to cry. But it was a bit hard not to knowing I will be dead by next September. 

I drove home and walked into the house. All the boys were sitting in the living room, they looked like they were waiting on me  
"Heyy Ash where did you go" Said Luke getting up to hug me.

(dont cry dont cry dont cry) "Umm. uhhhh I had to be alone my mum called and told me my dog died and I'm really upset about it so if I seem down sorry bye" i quickly said before running up the stairs to my room.

I sat up there for an hour before I heard a knock on the door "Come In" 

"Heyy ash you alright?" Said Calum walking in

I turned around and gave him a weak smile "Yeah I'm fine"

"Watcha doin'" He asked with curiosity in his voice

"Well I realised life is too short (literally) so I'm writing a bucket list"

"Aww cool how you getting on can I see it"

"Yeah sure" I said handing him my half completed bucket list  
"Hmm lets see kiss in the rain....... visit a poor country..... spend a night in new york looking over the city, some of these are soppy and some of these are cute" said Calum handing me back my list

"I still have a lot more to add to it though I just remembered what was it you wanted to tell me in the park"

"Oh that... um... well... its nothing i'll tell you later"

"Ok tell me when your ready" I said putting my bucket list in my drawer and heading down stairs to join muke.

 

"Heyy guys" said Michael when we went through to sit on the couch.

"Heyy Mikey" said Calum I stayed silent though.

"What's up Ash" said Mikey

"Nothing I just have a lot on my mind"

"Oh is it about your dog" Said Luke with a look of sympathy.

"No Its something much wor- no its not about my dog"

"What do you mean worse coz I know thats what you started to say mister" Said Mikey

"I - its just I got told stuff today"

"Oh yeah Like what"

"WILL YOU STOP PRESSURING ME ILL TELL YOU WHEN IM READY!!!" I shouted storming up to my room.  
I heard footsteps after me. Once I reached the top of the stairs I turned around and saw Mikey.  
He looked at me before joining me at the top of the stairs. He rubbed my back and said "We need to talk"

I looked at him and nodded with tears in my eyes.  
We went into my room and we sat on my bed there was an awkward silence before he said "I want you to tell my whats going on Ash and I want you to tell me the truth. I really didn't want to but I had no choice so... here goes.

"Yesterday I started coughing up blood again so I went to the hospital and the doctor did a blood test and an MRI to check if anything was there"

"So you werent at the shop. you were at the hospital. dammit Ash why didn't you say"

 

I ignored him and continued my story

"I was told that I would have the results within 24 hours"

I got up and went to the desk, opened the drawer and pulled out my bucket list. I handed it to him and looked at me confused. So I managed to say it quickly before I burst into tears.

"I went back to the hospital today when they phoned me and the doctor said"

I was struggling to hold back the tears so i sat back down next to Mikey and started crying he Hugged me and rubbed my back and handed me the box of tissues on my bedside unit.

"Mikey... I have stage 3 Lung cancer" I said through sobs He looked at me and his face went white and he started crying harder than I was but he stopped when I said "and"

"and... I only have a year to live"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEXT CHAPTER... Mikey's full and proper reaction. Ash tells Luke and Calum  
> Treatment starts and there will be a whole load of feelings, fluff every now and again. also Calum tells Ash how he feels.....  
> I hope you are enjoying this story
> 
> Don't forget to kudos, bookmark and most importantly comment what you think


	8. Michael's Reaction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know I said that this chapter would be All of them getting the news and their reactions but this started to get kinda long so this chapter is just Mikey getting the news and the next chapter is when Ash tells Luke and Calum

*Mikey's POV*

Ash had came downstairs with Cal and sat on the couch opposite me and Luke, who had just finished making out,  
"Heyy Guys" I said giving a really big smile

Cal said "Heyy Mikey" and gave me a smile but Ash was quiet, he didn't even look up. Maybe he didn't hear me I thought. I gave him a minute before saying.

"Are you OK Ash you seem really distant again today" I moved over next to him and put my arm around him. He put his head on my shoulder and said  
"I'm OK I just have a lot on my mind" He said with sadness and fear in his voice. I hope he's Ok. 

A thought went through my mind. Maybe he relapsed. What if he was cutting again. When we all helped get him through it a few years back he promised he wouldn't do it again. I'll just see if there are any signs like wearing long sleeves. Like he is now.

Luke interuppted my thoughts by saying "Was it your dog Ash. It's OK I know what it's like to lose a pet" he gave Ashton a sympathetic look

Ash took his head off my shoulder and said "No it's much wor- no it's not about my dog"

I was confused once again by what he said its much wor- after looking confused for a moment I looked at him and said "What do you mean worse, because I know thats what you started to say" I almost asked him about relapse but I thought it might anger him so I left it.

"I got told stuff today. Not something you want to hear everyday" Said Ashton. that ruled out the relapse theory. but the way he said it though...

"Like what" I replied quickly causing him to give me a dirty look as though I had done something wrong. I looked at him for another minute or two before he got up and shouted at me "WILL YOU STOP PRESSURING ME. I'LL TELL YOU WHEN I'M READY!!!"

 

He didn't give anyone a chance to speak before storming off crying. I didn't want to see him like this so I said to Luke and Calum that I would be back in a minute. I ran after Ashton to calm him down and tell him that I - we were all here for him whatever it was.

Once he reached the top of the stairs he turned around and looked at me. I looked at him for a minute before going up the last 2 steps and standing beside him. I rubbed his back and gave him a quick hug which he accepted

"Ash I think you and I need to talk, If you don't want to its fine" I could've sworn he said Its now or never. Ash nodded and he still had tears that were threatning to leave his eyes but didn't.

We walked across the hall to his room. I opened the door and gestured for him to go in first, i followed after him. We sat side by side on the bed.  
I asked if he wanted to talk but he just got up off the bed and went over to his desk. He opened the drawer and pulled out a bit of paper and handed it to me.  
I looked at it and saw it was a list I looked at the things on it and realised it was a bucket list. I looked at him confused (again)

"Mikey, I have to tell you this in the utmost confidence" he said tears were now starting to roll down his cheeks. I nodded and waited for him to start talking.  
"Mikey. Please please you can't tell Luke or Cal i have to tell them this and it will be soon I promise."  
"C'mon Ash I'm not just going to tell other people your news but anyway i'm getting kinda scared now"

"Sorry right here goes.... Yesterday afternoon I started to cough up blood again. so yesterday afternoon when you thought I was stuck at the store and traffic I was at the hospital" He had to stop talking for a minute as he was crying so hard. I leaned over to his bedside unit and handed him the box of tissues. He said thanks and dried his tears while I hugged him.

"You Ok to continue buddy, you can finish telling me later I won't mind" I said

"I've already started to tell you so i'd be as well to finish. sorry for being cheeky. anyway I went to the hospital and they took some blood and did an MRI. I was told I would recieve the results over phone call within 24 hours"

"I take it you got the results today" I said interupting him  
"Umm yeah and they um uhh they weren't good"  
"They couldn't have been that bad" I said trying to hold back tears. Ashton was crying so uncontrolably now but he was able to say to me through very hard sobs

"Let's just say what would you do if you had a year to live, that you had stage 3 lung cancer, thinking that you would be dead by next September"  
I looked at him stunned I didn't know what to say or do. One of my best friends in the whole wide world was dying and had cancer. all I was able to say was

"W-w-what A-ash please t-t-tell m-me that your j-joking" I had only just realised how hard I was crying and holding onto him  
We were hugging eachother very tightly refusing to let go of one another, crying for like 20 minutes before I stood up. I wiped my eyes with my sleeves and looked at Ash and said  
"A-ash we're gonna help you get through this. we're gonna make sure that everything on that list gets completed no matter how expensive. This is going to be the best year of your life and nothing is gonna stop that"

"I love you Mikey that's really sweet but next week for every week I have chemotherapy twice a week for an hour and a half at a time and radiotherapy once a week for an hour. I was also told that I would have blood tests and MRI's just to check if the cancer had spread anywhere else. We are definately not going to do everything. But right now I don't care about that I only wanna spend this year with you, Cal and Luke"

I was still crying hard, it was so hard to stop after being told this news. I wanted to do everything I could to help Ash and like I Said this year is going to be the best year of his life and nothing NOTHING will get in the way.

"W-when are you gonna tell Lukey and Cal" I said finally under control of my tears  
"I dont know Mikey I hope to do it tomorrow I can't do it now. Can you hear them laughing. I just can't do it. I don't wanna do it. I just wanna wake up hoping this is all a horrible dream"

"C'mere" I said extending my arms hoping he would give me a hug which he did. Every hug he's given me feels like his last and I hate it.

Once we had stopped crying and I had got the news through my head we went back down stairs to join Luke and Cal. I sat down next to Luke and instantly hugged him tightly

"You Ok Mikey, what's wrong what happened" Said Luke giving me and Ashton a concerned Look  
All I said was "Why isn't life fair" he gave me another strange look before Ash started to speak

"Luke, Cal I have something to tell you that you won't like......."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you are liking this so far. Don't forget to comment feedback and opinions and don't forget to kudos and bookmark.
> 
> The next chapter is going to be written in the POV of Luke then Calum so you find out their reactions and feelings  
> Then after that each chapter will be a month e.g. Chapter 10 - 20th August - 19th September
> 
> So including the next chapter there will probably be another 13 or 14 chapters. then part 3
> 
> I also wanted to say that I have researched lung cancer and how they do chemo and radio so I can get it as accurately as I can in the story
> 
> Lastly I wanted to say a big thank you to WeLoveLashton i've used one or two of your ideas like the raw emotions and stuff the other one will be in a few chapters time :-)  
> I tried to add you as a co-author but it wouldn't let me since you aren't a registered user :-(


	9. Calum and Luke's reactions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy guys so this is chapter 9 :-) Sorry if it is a little short

*Calum's POV*

Me and Luke had just finished having a funny conversation about music videos when Mikey and Ash came in

 

"Heyy I thought you were only going to be like 5 minutes you were gone for almost an hour" I said

"Yeah well we were having some quality time together" Said Mikey sitting down next to Luke and pulling him in for a tight hug

"Are you Ok Mikey, what's wrong, what happened" Said Luke softly hugging Mikey back

I could barely hear him say "Why isn't life fair" before he burried him head in Luke's chest

Luke looked at me and then we both just looked at Ash since he was being quiet. He looked back at us for a minute before saying "Luke, Cal I have to tell you something that you aren't going to like..."

I heard a strange noise and looked over at Mikey who was now crying softly into Lukes chest. Luke pulled him in tighter, if that was possible, and stroked his hair

"What do you have to tell us Ash oh my god you haven't relapsed have you" I said without thinking. I quickly regretted it  
"No. I most definately have not relapsed it something really bad which is life changing" Said Ash quietly  
"Ash. I must admit I am really nervous. It can't be that bad can it" I said   
"Yeah Ash it can't be that bad" Said Luke

Michael got up and sat next to Ashton and took his hand and held it very tightly by the look of it. What was going on I thought.

"Are you ready for this because it will come as a shock"  
"Yes" Me and Luke said at the same time  
"Ok here goes, Yesterday morning and afternoon I started coughing up blood again. so yesterday afternoon instaed of being stuck at the shop and in traffic I was at the hospital having tests done"  
"So you weren't at the shop" I said with fear in my voice. Luke looked very shocked and scared and Mikey was still holding Ashton's hand trying his hardest not to cry.

"No guys I wasn't at the shop I did quickly stop there after my tests to pick up stuff anyway Once I got there I explained to the doctor what was happening and before I knew it I was in a hospital gown getting blood taken and being sent for an MRI. I was in the machine for an hour. Once I had finished the doctors said that I could go home and they would call me within 24 hours with the results"

Ashton had started to tear up. I couldn't stop thining about the rest of the story. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I looked at Luke who had gone deathly pale and had also started to cry.

"So When me and you, Cal, were in the park this afternoon I got the results-"  
"Thats where you rushed off to" I said cutting him off  
"Yeah" He said looking ashamed  
"So when I was on the phone my doctor told me that it would be better if I came in to hear the results so yeah thats where I rushed off to. Once I got to the hospital the doctor told me that...umm .. i... uh... i have stage 3 lung cancer..... and I only have a year to live"

Before I could proccess what I had just heard I noticed Ash and Mikey were crying harder than ever and Luke was no where to be seen.

"WHAT... it must be a mistake" I said "Surely there is something wrong"  
"There is something wrong Cal, I'm dying and there is nothing that can be done to stop it"  
"NO-- your not I refuse to believe it you can't be dying"  
"Each week starting next week I have to have 2 rounds of chemotherapy 1 round of radiotherapy blood tests and MRI's"

"What about the band and shows- you know what fuck the shows your ill"  
"Cal - Cal - Cal calm down" Said Ash pulling me in for a hug  
"Everything is gonna be alright"  
"We are gonna help you get through this and make this the best year you have ever lived" I said finally calming down  
"Thanks I appreciate that now you sit with Mikey I'm gonna go and find Luke.

I sat with Mikey and we both just hugged each other, trying to calm one another down.  
"S-so that b-bucket list wa-was for this year" I sobbed

"Uh-huh" Said Mikey "I've already said to him that we are going to do everything on that list no matter how expensive it is"  
"I completely agree I just don't want him to die. I hope this is the slowest year in the history of the universe"

Mikey just nodded his head and we both cried a little more but were able to stop just has Ash had came back down the stairs.  
"Cal can I speak to you" He said in a nervous voice  
"Yeah sure of course anything" I quickly blurted out before sitting next to him.... (A/N the rest of this bit is in the next chapter)

 

*Luke's POV*

"Once I got to the hospital the doctor told me that...umm .. i... uh... i have stage 3 lung cancer..... and I only have a year to live" Said Ash with tears in his eyes  
As soon as I heard this I got up and stormed up stairs. This can't be happening Ash can't have cancer and it sure as hell can't be terminal

Once I got to my room. I slammed the door and started trashing my room, throwing things around and punching the mirror to get the rage out of me. Once I was finally satisfied I sat down in the corner of the room and curled up into a ball crying sooo hard.

It must have been about 5 minutes before I heard someone coming up the stairs and opening my room door. I looked up and saw Ash I immediatly got up and put my arms around him

"Oh Lukey what did you do" Said Ash   
"I-i-i d-don't wa-want you t-to d-d-die" I barely managed to say while keeping a hold of Ashton with all the strength I had  
"C'mon Lukey sit down" Said Ashton clearing all the mess off the bed and motioning for me to sit down  
"I don't wanna die but you know everybody has their time"

"Y-your time can't b-be a-a-almost u-up. Y-you stilll h-have so much t-to d-d-do"  
"Calm down Lukey It's going to be alright" Said Ashton quietly while gently rubbing the tears out my face  
"But you have to understand I am going to be very sick from next week because every week I have to have 2 rounds of chemotherapy, 1 round of radiotherapy and then blood tests and MRI's"

"Does that mean that you can't play drums anymore"  
"I will still be able to do drums and shows but if it gets a little too much for me I'll get a fill-in"  
"I just don't want you to be taken from me so soon"  
"Don't worry I am going to spend every spare minute I can with you guys. I have to ask a big favour though"

"W-what"  
"When I start my treatment next week I want you to come with me because I will be really scared"  
"Of course I'll come with you. I have to ask a big favour too, well two actually"  
"Anything"  
"I need you to talk to Calum because he has something really really important to tell you and the other thing is I want you to sleep with me tonight Hold me so I know you won't go anywhere"

"I'll go and speak to Cal when we are done here, so while I am doing that I want you to tidy all this mess up and I'll join you up here in an hour for bed" Said Ash getting up and giving me another hug. He walked over to the door and then he turned to me before he went out and said

 

"I'll never leave you. I promise"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was good enough... like I said at the end of Calum's POV that bit would be continued in the next chapter :-)
> 
> Don't forget to comment feedback and/or opinions, Kudos and bookmark
> 
> Thanks again to WeLoveLashton for the ideas
> 
> I will try and update everyday because I only have 4-5 days before I go back to school. It was a really quick 8 weeks.
> 
> Comment, Kudos and Bookmark :-) Thanks


	10. Luke and Ashton Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read, bookmarked, subscribed and left kudos to this story I hope you are enjoing it
> 
> This chapter is just Luke and Ashton fluff enjoy

*Cal's POV*

I was sitting downstairs with Mikey when Ash came down stairs from talking to Luke and he sat beside me

"Cal can I speak to you" He said in a nervous voice  
"Yeah sure of course anything" I quickly blurted out  
"Um.. today in the park... are you ready to talk about it"

"I suppose so" I said in a not-so-sure voice "I just wanted you to know that I.. um - I mean if its ok if you don't i wont mind - iloveyou"  
"What was the last part I didn't catch it"  
"Um... I love you" I said wanting to look at Ashton but just keeping my eyes concentrated on the floor  
"Awww Cal" Said Ashton putting his arm around me

"I love you to but I can't go through with a relationship knowing I'm gonna leave you"  
"We could try" I said trying my hardest not to sound desperate  
"Sorry Cal When It's my time I can't go knowing I'm gonna cause you even more pain. Im sure you understand" said Ash with a tear in his eyes

I just nodded still looking at the floor. but the next thing I knew there was a hand on my chin gently pushing my face up so I was looking at Ashton and he leaned in. We kissed for about a minute before he pulled back and said "Sorry"  
I said "Its Ok" and then we hugged before Ashton said he was going upstairs to go see Luke again

 

*Ash's POV*

I can't believe I just said that to Cal. I love him with all my heart but I just can't go out with him when i only have a year to live. UGH just thinking of the words "A year to live" makes me sick to my stomach.  
When I went back up to see Luke I was expecting him to be lying in the bed waiting for me but the bed was still made and there was a note on the pillow. I opened it and it said.

"Your Room"  
Luke xxx

I was confused for a moment before I headed over to my room. When I went in I saw Luke sitting at my drum set. hugging the drumsticks crying.  
"Lukey what's wrong" I said hurrying over to him

"I already miss the sound of you playing the drums" He said

I could feel a tear rolling down my cheek as he said this. I pulled him in tighter and when I tried to move he just held onto me refusing to let go and said "NO dont leave"

I didn't know what to do so I looked at Luke and said "C'mon Lukey let's go to bed"

He nodded and we made our way over to my bed. We stripped to our boxers and got in. I was lying in the middle and Luke was at my side hugging me. I hugged him so he knew I was there

"Wait I can't go to sleep without my penguin" Said Luke

"Hang on I'll go get him" I said running through to Lukes room to get him his penguin  
I resumed my position on the bed and started running my fingers through Lukes hair. I hummed softly and Luke was asleep in minutes. I tried for about 2 hours to get to sleep. I had to much on my mind. I gently and carefully got out the bed I pulled on a jumper and went out on the balcony to phone my mum and tell her the news.

 

"Hi Ashton what's up"  
"Um mum I have to tell you something"  
"Of course anything love"

"I'm not allowed out the country" (A/N they are in america)  
"Why not" said my mum sounding concerned  
"I'm ill" I said

"Is it serious. Ash are you Ok" My mum was starting to panic now  
"Its serious and I need you here mum" I started to cry now  
"Ash tell me whats wrong and once we get off the phone I'll book a plane to the states"

"I really think I should tell you in person. It's not the type of thing you say over the phone"  
"Well I disagree but if thats what you want I'll be in New York before the end of the week"  
"Ok mum I love you see you soon"  
"Bye Ash Take care I'll see you soon"

 

I hung up the phone and made my way over to the bed and carefully got in. I must have shook the bed to much because before I could get comfy Luke had turned around and put his arms around me but he didn't wake up. 

I must have fell asleep because I got woken up the sound of Luke very softly and quietly playing my drums. I rubbed my eyes and walked over to him taking the duvet with me. I put it around him and said "You'll get the cold" (he was sitting at the drums in his boxers)

"Thanks Ash" He said quietly putting his hand in mine. I stretched over and grabbed the chair at my desk. I placed it so it was behind Luke and sat on it.  
He still had the drumsticks in his hands so I reached out it front on him and placed my hands over his and started playing the beat to "Wherever You Are"  
While we were playing the beat Luke started singing the words softly.

"I just can't stop thinking of you. Wherever you are"

I started to cry for the millionth time in 24 hours  
"I want you to perform this at my funeral" I said

"W-what" Said Luke  
"I would like you to play this at my funeral It's a nice slow song and the words mean so much to you"

"Thats such a big thing I don't know If I can"  
"Of course you can. I'll even teach you the drum tune. So you really will be thinking of me"

I'll be thinking about you all the time I always do and will think about you. But OK thats a really good and nice Idea" Luke turned around to hug me and said that he wanted to learn drums in his spare time and he even asked if he could have my drumset when I had to go"

"Of course Lukey and I would be honoured to teach you the drums" I said

He smiled and we played Wherever you are another couple of times before getting dressed and going downstairs...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Comment what you think
> 
> The next chapter will be the start of the monthly chapters E.G Chapter 10 - 20th August-19th September
> 
> There will probably be another 13-14 chapters then part 3
> 
> Thanks again for reading and don't forget to Comment, Bookmark, Subscribe and leave Kudos


	11. AUTHOES NOTE #2

Heyy readers I just wanted to say that I have a few stories that I wrote saved into my documents. They are

 

1) a Lashton based on this pic http://media.tumblr.com/d95a50dea79dc7b8f92ec0ccae26e70c/tumblr_inline_mvrdnxS3ye1rj1jsc.jpg

2) A Mashton smut based on the acceptance speech on the teen choice awards

3) Another Self-harm story, I think the pairing will be "Cake"

 

I would like to know what ones you would like up. I would like to note that I am continuing with "the good, bad , worse series" These are just little side stories :-)

 

Thanks again for reading, leaving kudos etc.

Dont forget to comment, thanks

The next chapter for "A Year Isn't Long Enough" should be up be 11pm UK time So if you don't live in the UK put GMT into your world clock on your phone :-)


	12. 20th of August - 19th of September

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyy thanks to everyone that has read so far. This chapter is Ash's treatment and telling his mum
> 
> I would like to say another HUGE sorry to WeLoveLashton Like I said I have a really really bad habit of juts assuming things
> 
> Another quick thing which no one will care about. This chapter took me 5 HOURS to write

WEEK 1 (52 weeks to go)

*Ashton's POV*

The day after I told the boys of my cancer we spent the day just sitting in each others company. Luke was refusing to leave my side. Even though he's 18 he's still the youngest and this is going to be hardest on him, yesterday for example when he wanted me to sleep with him so he knew I wasn't going anywhere. I must admit that was pretty cute.  
It was around midday and I stood up and asked if any of them wanted to go for walk. I had barely finished talking when Luke said "I'll come with you"  
"Haha OK. What about you two are you coming"  
"Nah I think I'm just gonna stay here" Said Cal  
"Yeah me too" Said Mikey

I was pretty hurt that they didn't want to come but i didn't let it show. Me and Luke grabbed our jackets and headed out the door.

"Ash" Said Luke in a barely audible whisper  
"Yeah Lukey"  
"Are you scared. do you feel any pain"  
"No I don't feel any pain, just when I cough up blood and I'm not scared at the moment I think the real fear will kick in next week when I start treatments. You are still coming, right?"  
"Of course. I just want to wake up and this will all be a dream. How can death take you so young"  
"I wish it was all a dream as well and like I said last night. Everybody has there time. Mines just sooner than expected"

Luke nodded and I could tell he was about to cry because when I looked at him his eyes were all glassy. I gave him a hug and said "Lukey everything is going to be all right there's no need to cry"  
"Everything's not going to be alright your dying" Luke said grabbing onto me even harder as though I was about to go there and then.  
We broke away from our hug and I said "Do you want to go and get pizza or something"  
"Yeah I'd like that" Said Luke

While we were walking to the pizza shop Luke was asking me all these questions. I didn't get annoyed in the slightest whereas many people would have.  
When we sat down Luke said to me "Sorry for all these questions I just want to know more so I can help you, it's also to help me understand"  
"The questions don't bother me Lukey. ask away anytime. Have you not known anyone affected by cancer"  
"No one except you"  
"Aww look I know this is going to be hardest on you because your the youngest. But you have to know I'm going to be fine for another few months before I start getting really ill. So until my mum comes over at the end of the week let's just try and pretend I'm not dying"  
Luke nodded and he had one single tear rolling down his cheek. We ate our pizza and went for a nice long walk

 

*Mikey's POV*

It was just me and Calum in the house because Luke and Ash had went out. I turned to Calum and said.

"Hey Cal do you want to go into Ash's room and get his bucket list so we can have a look and start sorting things out"  
"We can have a look but I don't want to book anything since he'll practically be living in that hospital from next week"

"Well yeah but there must be some small things on it that we can sort out"

Calum nodded and we headed up stairs to Ashton's room. Once inside I headed over to his desk and opened the drawer. The bucket list was the first thing I saw but something else caught my eye. It was a book. maybe a journal

While Calum wasn't looking I opened it and it was a journal but it was from three years ago. Why did he keep it in his drawer. I read over a few entries and realised that this was the book where he wrote in during the time of his self-harming.  
The entries were full of things like  
*I tried to stop but I couldn't* *I've resisted long enough I need a blade*  
There was one that made me tear up a little and it said *Since I met Luke, Michael and Calum 2 months ago I haven't felt the need to cut anymore. These guys are like family and they helped me stop my bad habits. I owe them everything I was so close to the edge and they helped me*

I was interrupted by Calum who said "Do you have it yet?"  
"Umm. yeah here it is" I said putting the book back in the exact place I got it and shutting the drawer.  
Me and Calum made our way downstairs. We grabbed a piece of paper and a pen so that we could copy the list so we had our own copy then we could write on it.  
When we had copied it out I got a few different coloured highlighters and we made our way through the list highlighting the easy small things in yellow. 

The more expensive stuff in Blue and the hardest ones to do. Like flying to another country in Green.  
It didn't feel like it but it took almost an hour and Ashton and Luke came in the door just as we finished.

 

*Lukes POV* 

The next few days went by really quick. We never left the house. Me, Cal and Mikey just spent all day everyday in each others company.  
It had been almost a week since Ashton told us about his cancer when there was a knock on the door.

 

*Ashton's POV*

 

We were sitting in the living room watching a film when there was a knock on the door. I wondered who it was since we weren't expecting anybody then I remembered my mum would be here about now. I jumped up to the door and opened it, it was my mum and when I saw her I hugged her and refused to let go.  
"Ash what's wrong are you Ok what was it you wanted to tell me"

I took her bag and lead her through to the living room where the other boys sat. She sat down next to me and Luke and I said  
"Mum I have to tell you something and it is going to come as a really big shock"  
"What is it"

"Last week I started coughing up blood so I went to the hospital and got tests done. The next day I got the results and the doctor told me that I have stage 3 lung cancer and I only have a year to live. In 2 days I have to go for 2 rounds of chemotherapy, 1 round of radiotherapy and blood tests and MRI's weekly"  
I was surprised my mum just hugged me without spilling a tear and said "A-ash honey your going to be alright. I'm gonna stay here and help you and your friends to look after you.

 

WEEK 2 (51 weeks to go)

 

*Luke's POV*

Today was the day. The day that Ash started his treatment, I was really scared for him but I knew he was going to be alright since I was going with him today.  
I looked at my phone and saw it was 8 O'clock. I had a quick stretch and a yawn before putting my clothes on and heading through to Ashton's room.

I peeked my head through his door and saw that he was awake and sitting at his desk looking at a book.  
"Heyy Ash" I said. He jumped and shoved the book in his desk drawer and said "Oh Luke you scared me"  
"Watcha doin'" I said wondering what the book the he was hiding was

"Nothing I was just looking at something. Did you have a good sleep  
"Yeah, you?"  
"Couldn't really sleep. Did you pack your hospital bag"  
"Yeah its just there at your feet"

"What time is your appointment again?"  
"1 O'clock so we have 4 hours before we have to leave"

 

It was 12 O'clock so I went through to the kitchen to get Ash  
"Ash are you ready to go" I called

"Yeah let me just get my bag" Said Ashton running up the stairs  
Once he had his bag we said goodbye to Mikey, Cal and Ash's mum and headed downstairs to the car.

Once we were in the car I put my hand over Ashton's and said "Are you nervous because it's Ok to be"  
"Yeah Im really nervous but I can't let my nerves get the better of me right?"

"No, By the way what was that book you were reading this morning" I said as we were driving  
"Um. It was my old journal I kept and wrote in when I self-harmed"  
"Can I read it later. Wait no sorry that's a stupid question"  
"No it's not and of course you can read it later"

I smiled and we stayed almost silent the rest of the car ride. We pulled into the hospital car park and we sat there for 10 minutes.  
"Ash aren't you going to go in"  
"I-i w-will the sh-shock and the n-nerves are coming in n-now" He said with his voice shaking

"Aw c'mon Ash it's going to be OK" I said taking his hand as we walked into the hospital.  
We got to the department where they do the chemo and everything. Ash went to reception and signed in. We had barely sat down when Ashton got called through.

We sat down in the room and the doctor explained what would be happening he also explained about the side effects which were.

Feeling or being sick  
Feeling tired and weak all the time  
Hair Loss

Ashton gasped at the last one and put his hands through his hair.  
"Don't worry the hair loss won't occur for a few weeks yet"  
"Ok Thank god" Said Ashton

Me and Ash laughed a little and then we were being called into the room where it would be happening  
The doctor had told Ashton to sit down on the chair that was across from him.  
"Right then lets get started" Said the doctor making sure he had everything.

The doctor took the bag of chemo liquid and hooked it on one of those big stands that are also used for walking in hospitals. Next he took the cannula which would be put into Ashton's lower arm.

I lost concentration watching the doctor when I felt I sharp pain on my hand. I looked down and saw that Ashton was holding my hand for dear life.  
I bent down beside him. I stroked his hair while I told him that I'm here.

The doctor asked Ashton if he was ready. He nodded and closed his eyes while the cannula was being inserted. Once it was in the doctor said he would be back in an hour and a half. There was a button on the remote next to the chair that would bring a doctor if anything went wrong.

During the whole appointment me and Ashton talked about the treatment  
"How are you handling this" I said  
"It's a little uncomfortable but manageable" Said Ashton "Remember this is it I'm gonna be weak and tired and sick from now on and in a few weeks I'll turn into a cat shedding my fur"  
We both laughed at that because it was quite funny how he suddenly came up with it.

Once the appointment was finished I drive home and stopped at the shopping centre.  
"Are you Ok to wait here I just need to very very very quickly pick something up"  
"Yeah I'll wait here" Said Ashton with a smile on his face.

 

Once I got back to the car I told Ashton to shut his eyes and hold out his hands.  
"I ordered this for a few days ago. It was pretty expensive but it will come in really handy. I thought ahead"  
I placed the box in his hands and he opened them and opened the box  
"OH MY GOD Luke I love it" Said Ashton hugging me  
"I'm glad you like it" I said hugging him back

See a few days ago I ordered a proper realistic wig for Ashton that looked just like his hair now only little shorter and the fringe was to the side.

Once we got back home Ashton showed his wig to Mikey, Cal and his mum all of us laughed

WEEKS 3&4 (50 Weeks to go)

A/N: This bit is just gonna be short and summarised because this chapter is starting to drag on a bit

*Ash's POV*

The next two weeks went by really quickly much to my displeasure. I had been to all of my appointments. I had gotten used to the cannula and all the needles.  
My MRI's showed that there was no change or spreading which I was happy about  
I could definitely feel myself getting weaker and I was being sick to much for my liking but you know that saying "Life's a bitch"

These few weeks have been hard for my mum. She's already had to fly back to Australia to take care of things with her work and to make sure my brother and sister are alright at my grans.  
These few weeks have also been hard on Luke, Cal and Mikey. They hate to see me so ill.  
I've managed to play a few shows but had to step out of 8 of them. 2 of them even got cancelled because the band would rather be with me when i'm throwing my guts up than play for the fans.

We were all sitting around the kitchen table one night. I was getting stressed from all these hospital appointments and being so ill and weak. I ran my fingers through my hair and when I brought them back to the table I noticed a chunk of hair sitting on the table.

So this was it My hair was starting to fall out....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a long chapter :-) If you liked it remember to Comment, Kudos, Subscribe and Bookmark


	13. Hair Shaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is NOT a month chapter its just at the start of the 4th-5th week since diagnosis.  
> This is basically just hair shaving and the a bit of cashton fluff at the end.
> 
> Trust me this is a lot better than it sounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who has read any of my stories. according to my stats since joining only 3.5 weeks ago I have a grand total of 100 Kudos, 8 Bookmarks, 10 Subscribers and 3259 Hits Thank you SOOO much.
> 
> P.S its nice to see that even though i finished it two week ago "Words Hurt" Has had and is still getting a lot of hits and a few kudos. I'm also actually quite surprised that "I Want To Play Guitar" has had 521 hits, 16 kudos and a bookmark in just 2 days I thought it was just a really short shitty thing but thats just my opinion :-)
> 
> So whoever has kudos, subscribed and bookmarked you know who you are and I thank you and also an obvious big thank you to whoever has read any of my stories it means a lot

*Ashtons POV*

Once I saw the chunk of hair sitting on the table I ran upstairs crying. This couldn't be happening already. I ignored the calls of the boys and ran to my room and shut the door. I went over and curled up in a ball on my bed. I was like that for 5 minutes before I heard the door open.

I looked up to see Michael smiling at me. He came over and sat beside me and said

"I don't know what your crying for Ash you knew this was going to happen"  
"I know i knew this was going to happen but I was told it would take a few weeks before it happened. This definitely doesnt feel like a few weeks have passed. I wanted this year to be the slowest year in the history of the universe but it's already going by too quickly"

"I know I only thought you started treatment last week not two weeks ago. Just don't worry about it. it's going to be fine. I have an idea if your up for it"  
"Can I just say first i'm already starting to feel very weak and I have been throwing up non-stop the last couple of days. I feel like the year is almost up. what's your idea"

"Hang on I'll be back in a minute"  
Mikey got up off the bed and ran through to the bathroom, It was only 30 seconds before he was back with his hands behind his back and a big smile on his face  
"What are you smiling at" I said smiling back

"I'll do it if you do it" He said revealing what was in his hands. It was hair clippers.  
"What - NO Mikey even if I do do it you are NOT shaving off your hair"

"Yes I am it's all falling out anyway from the dye"  
"If your sure then" I said  
"Anyway I don't know why you wouldn't shave your hair because a)Its falling out anyway and b) You have a wig"  
"True. come on lets do it"

We made our way down stairs and Mikey made an announcement like he was speaking to a huge audience  
"Calum. Luke. are you ready to witness the event of the dec- no - the centu - no - THE MILLENNIUM"  
"Um sure" Said Calum. Luke didn't say anything he just sat there nodding his head like a bobble head

"Are you ready to see what it is"  
"Yes I'm ready I'm ready - ooh I sound like spongebob" Said Luke getting distracted.  
"Hahaha get ready to witness this" Said Mikey as he once again pulled the hair clippers from behind his back  
I couldn't help but laugh because Mikey was being really funny

"Ooooh Ash are you going to shave your head" Said Luke and Calum together  
"Yes I am" I said confidently

"But first to show you that I am serious Ash" Said Mikey as he plugged in the clippers and handed them to me as he sat in the chair.  
"Mikey what are you doing" said Luke with fear in his voice

"I'm gonna shave my hair off. I told ash that I would do it if he done it and plus my hair is falling out anyway because of all the dye so this is going to help"  
"Oh my god I love you. You are the sweetest most generous person in the whole wide world" Said Luke getting up and straddling Mikey on the chair while he made out with him

"Umm... guys" I said getting slightly uncomfortable  
"Oh right .. sorry" Said Luke wiping his lip as he got off of Mikey  
"Did you have to use so much tongue in front of us" Said Calum, smiling  
"Yes, yes I did" Said Luke with the biggest smile imaginable 

"C'mon guys you ready for this"  
"Yes" they all said together  
"Right Mikey are you ready"  
"Yes - wait No hang on 30 seconds"

I wondered what he was doing until he pulled out his phone and took a numerous amount of selfies he then posted one on twitter with the caption "Last day with hair for a while"

Before I began Luke got up and smothered Michaels face in kisses again. I'm just assuming he saw the pic on twitter  
"3...2...1" I count down and then I shaved the biggest part of Mikeys hair at the front of his head.  
I noticed that Luke and Calum were filming and that Mikey didn't even look sad to be shaving his pride and joy, he just sat in the chair with a massive smile on his face.

Once I was almost done I looked at the floor and saw a big pile of washed-out lilac hair. Along with some chunks of my own, they would have fell out from wiping the sweat of my forehead and the front of my hair

It took about 15 minutes but I finally finished shaving Mikeys head and he looked amazing - different but amazing. Luke had finished filming and then took the oppertunity again to make out with Michael. I felt myself cringe a little because I swore I heard Luke say "Your gonna get a bigger reward for being so sweet later  
Luke had quickly gotten off Michael when I said "Quick get me a chair or something"

I felt like I was going to collapse because I had been standing for so long and thats not a good thing when you are really weak and tired now  
Luke came running through with a fold-away chair and sat it next to me. I sat on it and held my head in my hands  
"Ash are you Ok" Said Calum

"Yeah I'm fine I just need to get used to this no standing for more than ten minutes thing"  
Calum nodded and went through to the kitchen to get me a bottle of water.  
We waited another 15 minutes till I felt a little better then we got on to the main event.. shaving my hair

"So who wants to do the honours" I said holding the clippers  
"I do I do I do" Said Luke. I knew he was going to ask to do it :-)  
It took a little longer to shave me hair because even though a lot has fallen out already I have longer, much thicker hair so it was just short of 25 minutes to get mine shaved.

I noticed that Mikey and Cal were filming this. I can't stop looking at Mikeys hai- head. He looks so different but again- amazing  
Once mine was done I was handed a mirror and I looked at myself. I looked so so so different. I acctually kinda liked it.  
"Oh My God you look amazing" Said Luke handing me the wig

"Thanks and you know what. I'm grateful that you got me this Lukey but I think I'm only gonna wear it if I'm out there is absolutely no need to wear it inside"  
"Your right you don't need to wear it around us" Said Calum coming over to give me a hug.  
We cleaned up the piles of blonde and lilac hair and sat down on the couch to watch a movie. Before we sat down I asked Luke if he would follow me up stair. He nodded and we made up stairs and into my room

"Ash what is it" Said Luke sounding worried and confused at the same time.  
"I almost forgot to give you this" I said reaching into my drawer and handing him my journal  
Luke gasped and said "I forgot about this. thank you. As much I want to read this tonight I promised Mikey something"

"Ahh so I did hear right then" I said wiggling my eyebrows  
Luke just pushed my shoulder and we laughed for a minute  
"That reminds me. did you speak to Cal about, you know, his feeling"

"Yeah and I said to him that I love him too but I can't go through with a relationship because i'll be sick all the time and then it means when I die i'm gonna leave him behind and its gonna be even more pain for him to lose a boyfriend as well as a best friend. but I've been thinking maybe I should go talk to him again cause I think I changed my mind about it now"

Luke hugged me and said "I can give Mikey his "reward" now and that'll give you and Cal some space.  
"First off you don't have to keep informing everyone every 30 seconds that your gonna blow michael and second Thanks"

I headed downstairs and said to Mikey that Luke was waiting for him. He obviously knew what this meant because he shot upstairs like a rocket.  
I looked at Cal and gave him a small smile while quickly heading over to the couch because I had been standing for too long.

"Cal I know that this is WAY overdue by like 2-3 weeks but I wanted you to know that if you want to give dating a sick weak man a go i'm fine with that"

Calum didn't say anything he just leaned in and we kissed for a little while....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hoped you liked this. I know I said every chapter now will be a monthly chapter but a) This one started to get kinda long and b) I thought It would be good to focus on this little bit :-)
> 
> Thanks again for reading and don't forget to 
> 
> Kudos, Bookmark, Subscribe and Comment
> 
> THANKS :-) :-)


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